So lately I’ve been thinking of some of my earliest memories. It’s strange what you remember. If I actually think about what I remember, I can’t remember anything, but if I just go about my day having made a note to remember my earliest memories, they just sort of come to me randomly. Not long after I learned to read, I remember going to Adventure Land. Adventure Land is billed as “Iowa’s Largest And Most Compete Family Resort Complex” which is a lot like saying “The Yukon’s Most Productive Pineapple Farm” or “Vatican City’s Hottest Cabaret”. It’s sort of a uniquely Midwestern amusement park for people who can’t be bothered to drive all the way to Six Flags. You know how when you get the 5 pound bottle of generic acetaminophen, it says “Compare to Tylenol” in BIG letters and little tiny letters, “Tylenol is is trademark of the Johnson&Johnson Company, which your broke ass can’t afford.” Yeah, its kinda like that.
So having just learned to read, I had read a neat, new word scratched into the log on the Log Ride. I spelled it out: F - U - C - K, thats spells “fuck” just like “duck” and I knew what “you” was. I had a log to ride, so I didn’t think of it again until later, when I was taking a bath.
“Mom, what does ‘Fuck’ mean?”
“That’s a bad word, and not something anyone should say” she said.
I mulled that over. What made a word ‘bad’? And why couldn’t one say it?
“Why is it bad?” I asked.
“Well, it’s bad because it hurts peoples’ feelings,” she explained nervously.
I was appalled.
“But why would someone write something bad on the log?!?”
“Um,” she replied “Some people like to hurt other peoples feelings, they think its fun.”
“Why,” I sobbed “why would anyone want to make anyone else feel bad?”
“I’ve never understood it myself, Israel,” she said.
I cried inconsolably for at least another 30 seconds.
Still sniffing, I put on my footed pajamas, and went to bed, the cruelty of the world weighing heavily on my small back.
