Gay bike shorts.
Ok, spring is at last here. Here in southwestern Germany, this means the weather is going from cloudy, wet, foggy and just around freezing to cloudy, wet, foggy, and above freezing. This means it’s time to break out the bike and start riding to work. And by bike, I mean bicycle. Since I was bicycle commuting before I came here, I already have a pretty German looking bike: fenders, light, blinky in back, cargo rack, etc. Since the weather here is a lot like Seatlle I am buying some actual rain gear.
I once heard a feminist talk about how skirts and high heals were designed by men to objectify women, so reduce them to nothing more then sculpted meat for the hunger eyes of patriarchal creeps. If that’s true then a secret cadre of angry homosexuals designs clothing for cyclists. I mean, I’ve managed to go my whole life wearing tights once, when I was playing an elf in a community theater presentation. Now, I might be wearing them everyday. Eww.
At first, I was going to buy the really cheap ones, but then I got thinking. These things are designed to make my dangly man bits ride very intimately with my body. What full traction is to the spine, bike shorts are to testes. This is not a task to be entrusted to the skills of some poor Malaysian garment worker working for pennies a day. On the other hand, I don’t want to buy the most expensive one just because it’s there. I figure I will check out the most expensive tights to get a bead on price range. And there it is
The name of the top of the line tights is… Gavia. Let’s see that would be pronounced GAY via. Gay as in homosexual. Via as in way or road. The top of the line one is called, “The way of the gay.” Nice.
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