Ronin of the Spirit

Because reality is beautiful.

The Last Blog.

I began blogging about 2 and half years ago.  The point was to have written record of my own thoughts to hold myself accountable, and to document the spiritual journey I was on.  If you read my blog form beginning to end, you watched me begin a confused Christian, then a Christian who knew where he was going, then a shakey atheist, and then a solid atheist, then a very happy atheist, and finally just me: the man who the 16 year old boy should have become, had he not chosen to insist in trying walk a faith he knew in his heart he didn’t believe.

At first when I became an atheist I believed the same things, exempting only the disbelief in God, but the skeptical rationalism of which my atheism is but a symptom, called into question my political identity as well.  My friends began to change as some left, and some new ones came.  Gradually, as I began to understand who I am, I began to be comfortable with who I am.  As this has gone on, a contradiction inherent to atheism began immerge.

How can non-existence be so important? I don’t have a blog about the non-existence of Santa or the Easter bunny, and tellingly neither does anyone else.  I can’t speak for others, but for me the non-existence of God was so important because of the huge place I gave the imaginary person of God in my life.   Atheism was important to me the way a amputees stump is important to them, as the end of what is and the beginning of what was. But that part of the journey is over, the god hypothesis is out my life now. You can’t spend your whole life mulling over a surgery, no matter how life changing it was.  At some point you have to just accept the post surgery you as your real self, and move on.

Tied up in atheism as this blog is,  I think as I prepare to move on, this blog will be left behind.  I don’t want to label myself by what I am not anymore.  If I must have a label, I want to be labeled for the things I believe in, not the things I disbelieve in. It’s time to stop remaking the foundation over and over and start working on the house. Further, this blog circulates to a wide variety of people, many family, and as such, I do not practice the sort of open hearted communication I believe in on this blog.

I actually practice a huge amount of self censorship here. When does discretion, which is wise and reasonable, become “self censorship” which is just saving your oppressor the trouble? I don’t know, but  I know the discretion is contextual. If I limit my readership, I can be my true self and not worry about hurting anyone, or being attacked for it.  It’s important to me to be my true self, especially in a document I trust to be the accurate record of how I felt at the time.

Finally, I am about to deploy.  I’m going far away from my loved ones for a while, and I want a place online where I can write my thoughts the way I think them, without filter or compromise.   For that reason and the ones above, this is the end of the beginning.  If you have enjoyed the journey up to this point, you may not like the next leg of it.  I have kept a very even tone here, trying hard to respect the beliefs of people I disagreed with.   This blog was all about what I believe being questioned.  The next one’s about being myself.   Since I don’t think anyone knows better how to be me then I do, the discussion on the next blog will be of a different nature.

I am good deal more profane, snarky, ribald, sexual, sensitive, creative, emotional, and silly then I let on here, and the so the new blog will have more profanity, cheap shots, sexual content, humor, and just plain silliness than this one.  If you think you won’t respond positively to that, then this is the end. If you want to visit the new blog, say so in your comments below, and I will take your email from the confirmation and send you a link to the new blog.

Regardless, I’ve had a wonderful almost 3 years with all 75,000 views (and probably the 5 regulars that represents).  Goodbye, and Peace

Sincerely, Israel “Truth Walker” Walker.

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December 13, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

7 Comments »

  1. Hey let me know about your new blog!

    Comment by CC | December 13, 2009 | Reply

  2. I wish you all the best your lifes journey! ;) Hope you find real happieness and joy! Be blessed…

    Comment by Annka | December 14, 2009 | Reply

  3. Do I already have the address? I completely understand this. I got to a point with my blog where I stopped posting it on FB. My spiritual views differ from a great many of my friends and family and that’s what I write about. If they liked it for what it is they know the address and can continue to read, but if I post it on FB I am just inviting people who might not be able to truly understand my message.

    Good luck with your journey. And take care as you are deployed, I know that will be difficult.

    Comment by lesleehorner | December 16, 2009 | Reply

    • No, actually you don’t. This is the new mainstream blog. That one will continue to be my side blog. :) I’ll send you the link shortly.

      Comment by truthwalker | December 18, 2009 | Reply

  4. I must admit I feel sad in a way, strange I guess because I’ve never met you and don’t know you beyond what you’ve chosen to convey on this blog and through comments. Yours is the only non-Christian blog on my blogroll. I need to be totally honest and say that although I would like to keep up with you, I don’t want to willingly view profane and/or sexually explicit material. It’s interesting to me that you would use those terms to define a new blog. Is that a warning OR a test, for the Christians in your readership? Or maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

    Comment by annaldavis | December 17, 2009 | Reply

    • Dear Anna,
      I’ve really enjoyed talking with you over the last year or so, and I plan on continuing to comment on your blogs. More then an anything, my new blog is about hiding from my family and my few highly conservative friends. While I do look forward to the freedom of to cuss and carry on on my new blog, I doubt I’ll do much more of it then I do here, because I think, in general, foul language makes the speaker/writer look stupid. Primarily the new blog is going to be about whimsy. (It’s mostly going to be a story I am writing) On the rare occasion that I post erotic content, there will be a warning at the top of the page.

      I hide this from some because joy makes us weak. When people know exactly what it is that makes you happy, they know exactly how to hurt you. It has been my experience that Christians, with good intentions perhaps, will be incredibly cruel if they think it will convert you. I have no desire to make myself vulnerable to people who have demonstrated a total inability to disagree kindly. I am emotional and easily hurt person. (You won’t find a de-con who isn’t. It’s our sincerity and earnestness which caused our deconversion.)

      I don’t want to be an atheist or a decon anymore. That doesn’t mean I believe in God or want to, but that I don’t want to be defined by what I am not or what I used to be. I want to be defined by what I value, not by what I find valueless. Many Christians will see this as a “chink in the armor” so to speak. At the end of every post they will tear into me and mock what makes me happy as stupid, inconsequential, and trite in comparison to the power and majesty of their beliefs. There is little room for whimsy in fundamentalist Christianity. I think that is one of the main reasons people are leaving the Church in droves for religions like Wicca.

      This is going to made worse by the fact that I am going to frequently be posting a few hundred words at a time about of a story I am writing in which the protagonist is deeply religious, and struggling constantly with issues of faith. Experience tells me I will be constantly attacked. Every time the protagonist says something which supports Christianity I will get comments that say “HOW CAN YOU KNOW THAT AND TURN FROM GOD, YOU FILTHY LIAR” and every time he says something against Christianity I will comments that say “THAT’S A LIE, YOU FILTHY LIAR.”

      Because you aren’t related to me, you have no obligation to read my blog or convert me. You just listen, and quietly express approval or concern as you see fit. Because I don’t love you, you can’t hurt me. In short, by circumstance and maturity, you I trust you not to hurt me. I’ll send you the link and you can read it if you want. If not, thanks for all the words over the last while and I’ll still see you on your blog.

      Comment by truthwalker | December 18, 2009 | Reply

  5. I know that I will be privy to the next blog but I just wanted to say that I have enjoyed your blogs and your journey as you have discovered who you are. I think your blog will be a thing to look back on and remember who you were and where you were at and what the journey looked like. I love you very much and am very proud to be your wife.

    Comment by ladyrebecca | December 18, 2009 | Reply


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