The Last Blog.
I began blogging about 2 and half years ago. The point was to have written record of my own thoughts to hold myself accountable, and to document the spiritual journey I was on. If you read my blog form beginning to end, you watched me begin a confused Christian, then a Christian who knew where he was going, then a shakey atheist, and then a solid atheist, then a very happy atheist, and finally just me: the man who the 16 year old boy should have become, had he not chosen to insist in trying walk a faith he knew in his heart he didn’t believe.
At first when I became an atheist I believed the same things, exempting only the disbelief in God, but the skeptical rationalism of which my atheism is but a symptom, called into question my political identity as well. My friends began to change as some left, and some new ones came. Gradually, as I began to understand who I am, I began to be comfortable with who I am. As this has gone on, a contradiction inherent to atheism began immerge.
How can non-existence be so important? I don’t have a blog about the non-existence of Santa or the Easter bunny, and tellingly neither does anyone else. I can’t speak for others, but for me the non-existence of God was so important because of the huge place I gave the imaginary person of God in my life. Atheism was important to me the way a amputees stump is important to them, as the end of what is and the beginning of what was. But that part of the journey is over, the god hypothesis is out my life now. You can’t spend your whole life mulling over a surgery, no matter how life changing it was. At some point you have to just accept the post surgery you as your real self, and move on.
Tied up in atheism as this blog is, I think as I prepare to move on, this blog will be left behind. I don’t want to label myself by what I am not anymore. If I must have a label, I want to be labeled for the things I believe in, not the things I disbelieve in. It’s time to stop remaking the foundation over and over and start working on the house. Further, this blog circulates to a wide variety of people, many family, and as such, I do not practice the sort of open hearted communication I believe in on this blog.
I actually practice a huge amount of self censorship here. When does discretion, which is wise and reasonable, become “self censorship” which is just saving your oppressor the trouble? I don’t know, but I know the discretion is contextual. If I limit my readership, I can be my true self and not worry about hurting anyone, or being attacked for it. It’s important to me to be my true self, especially in a document I trust to be the accurate record of how I felt at the time.
Finally, I am about to deploy. I’m going far away from my loved ones for a while, and I want a place online where I can write my thoughts the way I think them, without filter or compromise. For that reason and the ones above, this is the end of the beginning. If you have enjoyed the journey up to this point, you may not like the next leg of it. I have kept a very even tone here, trying hard to respect the beliefs of people I disagreed with. This blog was all about what I believe being questioned. The next one’s about being myself. Since I don’t think anyone knows better how to be me then I do, the discussion on the next blog will be of a different nature.
I am good deal more profane, snarky, ribald, sexual, sensitive, creative, emotional, and silly then I let on here, and the so the new blog will have more profanity, cheap shots, sexual content, humor, and just plain silliness than this one. If you think you won’t respond positively to that, then this is the end. If you want to visit the new blog, say so in your comments below, and I will take your email from the confirmation and send you a link to the new blog.
Regardless, I’ve had a wonderful almost 3 years with all 75,000 views (and probably the 5 regulars that represents). Goodbye, and Peace
Sincerely, Israel “Truth Walker” Walker.
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