Ronin of the Spirit

Because reality is beautiful.

My scattered ramblings.

I’ve so many things on my mind today that I don’t even know where to begin. Nothing on my mind is of any great significance, mind you. Just really scattered thoughts. I’ve been going to a huge number of briefings lately. Mostly, they are really stupid and dull with occasional interesting notes.

I found out the IRA is a classification of ANY fund, and not just a fund. I can open whatever mutual or bond fund I want, check the box and make it an IRA. Which I really couldn’t care less about, EXCEPT I found out that I can use an IRA to buy my first home without paying any penalties. Or tax. Good deal, thought I need to do more research before I sign the papers.

I found out all about rape. Rape is the most under reported crime in America with only 16% of the cases being reported. (I want to say that I think that is an incredible odd stat, and I want to know how you statistical categorize precisely what wasn’t entered into statistics.) Further, of that 84% that goes unreported no one can really get a handle on how many victims are male. Maybe as high as 50%. Further more, it turns out that 50% of rape reports are false. By false I mean they aren’t even substantiated enough to go to trial to be proven one way or the other. And not every case that has probable cause is found to be true within “reasonable doubt”. Its an incredibly complicated and incendiary issue.

The AF doesn’t decide one’s need to go to briefings based on civilian criteria, like “does this person actually need the information?” She decides who attends based on criteria like “Have you attended this yet.” So I had to the “how to chose a good spouse” briefing. It was odd. At first, it was funny. Then it as they described who NOT to marry I first thought of the only girl that I dated seriously besides the one I married. Then something very strange began to happen. As they talked about the way a “loser partner” treats his/her significant other, I began to see myself. Not only in the relationship I have with my wife, but also in other relationships I have head with different folks over the years. Ghengis Khan I am not, but suffice to say, there is room for improvement. In a relationships there is always more than enough blame to go around. So to my friends and family, my sisters and brothers (from different mothers and papas as well as by blood) guys and gals, well, sorry. I can be sort of an ass. I’ll keep working on it, and if by some chance I wake up some morning and I have no desire to be an ass to anyone, I will tell you all my secret.

It also shows me how truly wonderful my wife is. I’ve often said my wife’s biggest problem is her taste in men. Indeed, indeed. I got very, very lucky.

I’ve been thinking about Church about God. I have sort of new perspective than I used to. As some of you know, about 3 months before joining up, I turned my back on Christianity, the church, God, all. I had to, and I don’t regret it. I prayed about it long and hard first (ironically) and in the end decided I had to. I needed to separate what I thought, what I had been told, and what I had read. Since then I’ve seen some light and some dark. I read the much of the Bible again, much of the Qua ran (the parts that mean anything) and talked the people whose faith doesn’t really have clear cannon (Pagans for the most part). I read the Big Book of AA again. God impresses me a lot more than he used to.

Its been a little over a year since I became ronin, so its a lot easier for me to honest about who I used to try to be than it used be. I used to fight so hard to be what I thought was a Christian and I hated myself everyday for it. I had no respect for God. To me, he was a joyless, blood lusting sadist whose brilliant plan for saving the world was to allow only son to be horribly mutilated and murdered by gallant soldiers of Rome. If you don’t love your master you can’t love your self, and I thought the God of the Bible was wuss.

The “charismatic” movement didn’t help me much, though they tried. (Ultimately despite what they got wrong and how much it hurt me when they came off of their pedestals, Travis K and Tim T, remain the mentors that probably have done the most [other than my blood family, wife and Sis] to make me what I am.) Charismatics have two big problems, one they give Satan far to much credit. According to my Bible, Satan is a pussy. Two thier view of the Church looks to me like this: God is the horse, the earth the wagon with all its people in the back, and Christian hold the reins. Be nice to the horse and loving and sing the right songs and have the right attitudes and the horse will pull the cart wherever you want go, bringing all the non believers in the back with “us Christians”. If it looks like the ignorant masses in the back are driving its just because we unwittingly handed them the reins.

Its a great paradigm, easy to see, easy to use. To bad its baloney. God isn’t horse to be brow beaten into doing what we like. Do I still believe in a god of miracles? You bet. Do I think that there is a magic formula that will make me the vessel of those miracles? Not a chance. God does what he wants. Sometime his plan for the sick is to be healed, sometimes to be cured through normal means. Sometimes, he is most glorified when people die horrible agonizing deaths. If you have a problem with that last bit, pick up the Bible you claim to follow literally. Read about Jehu’s life. Or the priests who offered false incense to God and were swallowed alive into the bowels of hell. Or the lying spirit God dispatched, or the torment of Job, or the man who was gifted with priesthood because he skewered a couple while they were having sex, or the ruler who was eaten alive by maggots. Believe whatever you like, but if you chose to believe scripture don’t kid yourself about the nature of God. God is the baddest bad ass you will ever know. Great guy, but don’t cross him or his. God is ultimate love. He is also ultimate vengeance. When you develop a theology include in it that God is God and that Satan, people, fuzzy bunnies, rocks, etc. are not. We/they/it are the created, he is the creator. I respect God a lot more now that I believe he is the Boss, and I am not, nor are any of the other created.

*Sigh* So all this relates to what I am doing now: the NT commands us to go to Church. The idea of putting up with the BS that the current (and I might add, biblically forbidden) priesthood (ie, the church) masquerades as Christianity makes me physically ill. Its quite frustrating really. The NT contains many suggestions about church and few commands. One of the commands is not forsake the assembly of believers.

I don’t know what my child will someday chose to believe and follow but I know I am the example. If I show her it is OK to call yourself something (a Christian) and then not follow what said something demands you do, I am teaching a great lesson in how to be a hypocrite. Its not OK to have a religion and only follow the parts you like. But don’t know what to do. God is fairly clear, if broad, about what church is. And nothing around here fits the bill.

Anyway, that’s whats on my mind. Thanks for reading, all. Its late and I am going to take a nap.

March 16, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment