Ronin of the Spirit

Because reality is beautiful.

Ronin speaks

In response to something someone asked, I wrote a huge missive. Without further explaination here is the answer to a question some asked, without giving you the question.

I can only project my own experiences, so I can’t really speak for anyone else, but for myself (and anyone like me) I can say this: Fear of death is what makes us not live up to our own standards. Someone says something, some lie to us, maybe as simple as “You are stupid” or “You are worthless.” They say this lie to us with words or with deeds. At some innermost level we know that this is lie. We know that we should fight to death not to believe it, but we didn’t fight. And every time we should fight, but we don’t, we die a little. We believe the lie a little. In our unwillingness to face this fear of death (we didn’t fight to the death, remember?) we start fearing more things. Our social interactions become celebrations of fear. We don’t say things we should, we say things we shouldn’t. Fear begins to dominate every aspect of our lives. Eventually, and this is when it truly kills you, every though brings fear so we stop thinking. We all know people like that. Their social interactions have no sense, no meaning, no direction. Thats the natural result of person controlled by fear. The only solution is to go back to the first time you made a decision based on lie. That time you didn’t wear something that you thought you looked cool in, because you were afraid to be laughed at, for example. At that moment, the fear began to define you. With every subsequent decision you made your own actions confirmed the lie, and you lied more and feared more.
I can’t think of the single moment when I stopped believing in myself, but I knew when I was a child I believed I was destined for greatness. I saw a great general, a statesman, a writer. At some point, it became OK with me to be a wage slave in job I hated going to a church to worship a god I feared, with people I didn’t know.
One day, I woke up. I quite my job. I joined the AF. Its a start.

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April 11, 2007 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. I can only hope and pray the alarm clock of living rings for us all and that we don’t hit the snooze. I am so glad you got up when it went off. Life is good when you are living it.

    Comment by Becky | April 12, 2007 | Reply


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