Ronin of the Spirit

Because reality is beautiful.

Doing instead of praying

Tonight is the last day of a what has been a very long week for me.  I am tired and a little cranky. I feel misunderstood and brittle.  I HATE feeling misunderstood and brittle.  I know its bogus, but I associate certain emotions with certain people and certain parts of life.  To me it is below the dignity of a grown man to feel misunderstood and brittle.  These are feelings more appropriate in the mind of 13 year old girl, than in the afore claimed “peerless” mind that drives my cognitive and not so cognitive processes.

Sometimes, I think my mind is a parliament, with each portion of the brain represented by a desire in the mind.  A vote is taken, and the decision is, despite rigorous protest by the intellect, the mind is going to tell the ego that it feels bruised.

Why? My sister pointed out my glowing report of the “God Optional” groups I am enjoying leaves out the fact that most of these relationships are taking place online.  She makes a very valid point that I can’t really judge the situation with people that I do not have to deal with face to face.

As any married person can tell you, its far easier to feel like you love someone you don’t live with.  Living day in day out with someone lets you see them at their most real.  Talking to people online lets you see them at their LEAST real.

So, I have to ask myself:If atheism were a heart throb,  am I infatuated with atheism and its adherents, or is this true love?

My answer: I don’t care.  I am happy.  I am not lying to myself to convince myself I am happy.  In my previous life in the Christian community, those things happened much less often then they do now.  Maybe this is infatuation.  Perhaps, I will find out that atheists/agnostic/skeptics are in fact the people the church taught me to fear.  But I doubt it.

I doubt it, because this isn’t about standing on a soap box and yelling “There is no God!”  That would be dumb.  This is about a view point, a vision, quest for a mind that loves real. Through out my Biblical training my favorite stories were the stories of the areligious, anti-magical-thinking, skeptics.  In the Bible, these are the men and women who got things done.

Like Job, who in the midst of suffering did not say “Oh, I count it gain to suffer loss for God!” But demanded an answer from Him.

Women like Jael, who while her king was going from seer to seer looking for something that made him feel better about the attacking enemy, chose instead to seduce the king leading the attackers and kill him with her own hands.

Jehu, (who’s moral philosophy was obviously LeVeyan Satanism) who lied to his enemies, telling them he planed on making a great sacrifice to Baal, then killed his enemies in their own temple, and then made public toilet over their decomposing bodies.

Ester, who seduced a king into letting her people defend themselves.

Ruth, who seduced a wealthy older man into marrying her so she could take care of her loved ones.

Zachias, who was seen by Jesus not because of the fervency of his faith, but because he saw a problem, recognized a solution, and put it in motion.

Paul, (whose shadow made hankies so holy when it fell on them, the hankies could be mailed to friends who would be healed) mysteriously, does not tell Timothy to get a holy hankie, but suggested some red wine now and again.

These people were not atheists.  They were not agnostics, or even skeptics.  They were Jews and Christians, many listed for their piety.

They had the mindset.  They asked why.  They DID rather than PRAYED.  It is this mindset, and not the concept of godlessness that I am in true love with.


July 21, 2008 - Posted by | Religion, Self discovery, skepticism, Uncategorized | ,


  1. I guess I would say, “Why not do both?” DO and PRAY. Isn’t that what many of the people you have listed would say? That’s what I tend to do.

    Comment by CC | July 21, 2008 | Reply

  2. I very much doubt that they would have prayed unless prayer gives authorization of violate the commandments of scripture. Job tested God, Jael killed a retreating soldier in an act of premeditated murder, Jehu lied, Ester and Ruth both slept their way to the top.

    Comment by truthwalker | July 21, 2008 | Reply

  3. Hey, you, I love all those people too. Aren’t you kind of typecasting all believers into the fundamentalists/pentecostals from your background (with some of their strange ideas on prayer)? Can’t there be believers who are skeptics too? Even skeptics believe in something. I would say people who doubt and still call themselves believers have a mature faith.

    Comment by Heather | July 21, 2008 | Reply

  4. Sweety, I didn’t get this vibe when we chatted last night. Did you get all your angst out here or were you hiding so we would have ‘pleasant’ conversations? I wish you had spilt this on me. I knew you had written it but this would have been a good ‘conversation starter’ as you put it. =)
    I had a pretty crappy day but that doesn’t mean that you can’t crap back! LOL

    Comment by Natasha | July 22, 2008 | Reply

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