Ronin of the Spirit

Because reality is beautiful.

I really, really hate Seinfeld.

Last night at work, the TV was on.  To be fair, I should mention that I hate TV.  I hate it with a fierce and burning passion.   I do watch a bit now and then, but I never let myself get involved with a series.  There is nothing I “have to see”, because I think that putting that level of importance in one’s life toward mere entertainment is serious character flaw.  

But of all the stupid, pointless habits associated with TV, (like always needing a bigger TV, organizing one’s schedule around TV, or pretending that shows like Entertainment Tonight, or mainstream news actually matter) none irritates me more than background TV.    When music is playing in the background, it’s background noise.  When a screen saver is silently running in the background that’s background visual. But when a TV is running in the background it’s something much darker and more insidious than those: it’s background life

It’s this life running in the background, with all the tears and fears and conversations that make up real life, only it’s fake.  To paraphrase the book of Revelations, having the form of life, but lacking the power thereof.  People leave it running in the background to assure them that they are alive.  Sure, they may not think, or feel anything except a sort of vague fear that they don’t think or feel, but with TV cheerfully blaring sparkling, tinkling life into the room, they can just almost be entertained enough to forget even that.    I wonder if revolution is possible in countries where most people spend hours a day with the TV on.  It thinks for them, feels for them, loves for them.  Their soul shrivels up and die.  They no longer get mad enough or joyful enough to actually do anything regarding what makes them angry and joyful.  Their feelings no longer produce action, because they view feelings as a response to what they see, instead of as a call to act.  As I said, I hate it with a passion.

All that above to say, last night at work, Seinfeld was on. It’s not funny.  It’s not funny in horrible, painful way.  My great grandfather once cut his fingers off with a table saw, as great grandma was getting him into the car, they realized in the panic, they’d left the fingers sitting on the table saw.  My father ran into the shop to pick up the fingers.  As he was picking them up, the family dog, smelling fresh cut meat, sat on the floor, and begged for some.  That’s the sort of horrible painful way I am talking about.  Something playful becomes something horrible.  That’s Seinfeld to me. 

And I realized something.  I could become a billionaire.  I’m going to make a show as that is the same kind of funny-like-bloody-flux humor as Seinfeld.  Then I’m going to animate it with same graphic vomit that Robot Chicken, South Park, and Assy McGee have made a living with.

And people will watch it.  It will be pureed festering surgical waste , spoonfed into the hollow, empty husk where their soul used to be.  Will a make a lot on advertising?  No and yes.  No because, so few people will watch.  Perhaps only a million out of the hundreds of millions of potential viewers.  Yes, because I think I can make it for about $8.39 an episode.  The profit to expense ratio will be huge.

And the worse it sucks, the more offensive it will be to many people.  Who will then stand around the water cooler bitching about how much it sucks for hours, giving me free advertising.  And everyone else will watch it because they think they aren’t supposed to.  I’ll retire after one season, corpulently fat with profits and give it to another like minded mercenary.  I’ll be the Dread Pirate Roberts of brain rotting filth.

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December 2, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. If only I had so little to do that I could schedule my life around TV… 😆

    I know what you mean. It’s silliness. Even when it comes to programs that I really like, I usually catch them by chance and couldn’t tell you their regular schedules.

    And background TV annoys me to no end. If no one is watching it, turn the damn thing off!

    I could write sarcastic and flippant lines for your characters bounce off each other. We could get rich together. 😀

    Comment by Lottie | December 3, 2008 | Reply

  2. Sounds great! Let me get some construction paper, paste, and a digital camera!

    Comment by truthwalker | December 3, 2008 | Reply

  3. Yeah. And we can use glitter. Lots and lots of glitter. We’ll be famous! 😆

    Comment by Lottie | December 3, 2008 | Reply

  4. Nice! I went to my sister-in-law’s (or should that be sister’s-in-law) house and she and her husband sat in front of the wretched thing the whole time we were there. It was the only time all year her brother (my husband) got to see her and she couldn’t turn off the wretched thing for 10 minutes. In fact, her husband took mine to the garage to look at some do-dad and the minute they walked in he flipped on the (get this) garage TV. It wasn’t even the same program he and his wife were watching in the other room, so I could at least say well he didn’t want to miss what he was watching, no he just wanted the stupid thing on at all times!

    I’ll write story lines for your show too, but I’m afraid they may be too intelligent for it. =)

    Comment by CC | December 9, 2008 | Reply


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