Ronin of the Spirit

Because reality is beautiful.

An athiests friends.

It’s rare that I write so little.  I’m so ridiculously busy of late.  Full time student and full time employment.  Yesterday I was switched from 12 hour nights to 12 hour days.  I was so tired when I got home I could barely eat supper.  Then instead of playing with my daughter I let her watch a movie while I slept on the couch.  Then I got up, put her to bed, and went to bed.  I slept 11 hrs and 45 minutes.  Now, it’s breakfast and I could eat a horse raw.

I’m coming out on the other side of arguing atheism with my parents.  I mean, obviously, they think I’m wrong, but it’s not quite as painfull as it was before.  I’ve only got 2.5 more weeks of class and then I’m done with class for a month.  (I messed up signing up for the next session.)  I’m thinking about friendship.  Becoming an atheist and telling my friends has really been a tough row to hoe.  It means talking the total honesty that I give my wife and expanding it to the rest of the people I care about.  It means being really vulnerable to people.

And some friends have responded really well.  Some haven’t.  Some have responded so well, actaully, that I am closer to them then ever before, my brother and sisters for instance and my friend Jason.  Others have responded with fear and a sort of emotional hardshell.  They’re there, but they’re not.

And it makes me think about heaven.  I wish I could believe that there is this perfect place that we could go to when we die.  I wish over didn’t have to mean over, but honestly I think when your gone, your just gone.  So am gentler to my wife, and more cuddly with my kid.  I wonder though, I sat and tried to work through something with an old friend yesterday, is it worth it?

When my life on earth is a just short few years do I really want to work through stuff with people who only tolerate me, when they’re are people who really love know me and I really love knowing?  And why don’t I work harder to make new friends?  Why can’t have more friends like my wife, like Jason, like Alex?  People who love me from who I am instead of inspite of it?

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February 5, 2009 - Posted by | atheism, Christianity, Religion, Self discovery, skepticism, Uncategorized | , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. I have to ask that of myself a lot, you know. When I consider a dating plan, when I meet new people, when I talk to my parents, I always have to ask myself, “Will they accept who I am and be able to tolerate it?” If not, I avoid them. It’s easier in the long run, really. You know me, I’m not the person who looks for confrontations. I’m not militant about being an atheist at all. I think people can believe whatever they want to believe as long as it makes them happy and isn’t hurting anyone else. I just don’t like being judged right off the bat for something I happen to believe (or not believe) in wholeheartedly.

    I wish I could say there comes a point where people will become more tolerant, but in reality, not. Look at my parents. I can’t even broach the subject around them without a two hour fight and me crying myself to sleep. The biggest problem I face is that my parents know how to make me feel guilty about my choices. They know all the right buttons to push. It stops being an argument for the Kingdom of God and becomes about how they failed as parents and how they can’t understand how they raised a sinning whore. Oh, yeah, my Dad called me a whore a few weeks ago. That was pleasant. The point is, my parents don’t accept me as who I am, and they never will. There are a lot of people out there who will never accept me, despite the fact that I am a relatively nice person who cares about people, and, you know, I’m fine with that. I have too much stress in my life to worry myself sick over people who don’t like my religious choices. There is no such thing as “accepting one for who one is” if you reject the choices that person has made.

    Comment by AmarisGrey | February 6, 2009 | Reply

  2. Just wanted to post a quick line to let you know that I still read here, I just haven’t been commenting much anywhere because I’ve been swamped and recently got laid off.

    Still love your blog, though! Keep up the great work!

    Sincerely,
    Lottie

    Comment by Lottie | February 7, 2009 | Reply


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